Compassion Exercise

 Compassion Exercise for All Living Beings

*** disclaimer: read through this script first to make sure this audio exercise will not bring to mind memories that are too painful to handle at this moment *** 


*** note: this file can be downloaded and saved onto your computer or smart device  ***

Transcript

This a short compassion exercise that you can incorporate into your day. It includes elements from several longstanding meditation practices, including anapana breathing and metta. Metta in Pali means lovingkindness, or showing an active interest in others. Save this to your desktop or phone, or any place that stands out, so you will remember to listen to it on a regular basis.

Let’s start by making sure we are comfortable. Your body is upright, either on a pillow, meditation pillow, yoga mat, or a chair. It is common in meditation not to rely on the back of your chair, but rather to keep your spine straight, not too rigid, using your core to keep you upright. However, if anything today is preventing you from doing this, get into any position, even lying down if necessary, that will make you comfortable, but still able to focus.

Remove any unnecessary stimuli from the room during this exercise, which includes sound notifications on your phone. 

When you’re ready, start taking some deep breaths. Do not try to control the breath. Just let it flow naturally. Observe the breath instead. Try to center your attention on the breath. You can focus your attention on the sensation that each inhale and exhale produces on the nostrils, or upper lip. Try to feel the sensation of the breath. If this is not possible for you, instead focus on the rising and falling of the belly, or chest. Whatever it takes to focus your mind on the breath. We’ll do this for ten inhales and exhales.

1-10

We’ll do this again. This time, count to yourself, at your own pace. It does not matter if you do exactly 10 breaths. 

We’ll now begin to focus our thoughts and attention onto others first, and then onto ourselves. Don’t worry if you can’t easily paint a mental picture, or if you get distracted. Just do the best you can. There’s no pressure.

Let’s start with a loved one. Imagine someone you love very much. Maybe a parent, or a child, or a very good friend. Imagine what they look like in your mind. Imagine they’re looking at you, engaging with you. Smiling. Enjoying your company.

Imagine what it’s like for them to get up in the morning. What’s their morning routine? Are they calm, relaxed, or are they rushing to get to work? Or school? Can you sense if they are happy, or sad? Or angry? Agitated? Are they feeling well at this moment? Or unwell?

Now let’s imagine this same person during of the happiest moments of their life. Maybe they’re watching their child graduate, or they’re the child learning how to ride a bike for the first time. Maybe they’re letting loose on a dance floor, or they’re meeting a romantic interest for the first time. Whatever it is, sit with this image and observe. 

Do they have a big smile on their face? Is it nice to see them not worried, or afraid?

Now let’s imagine this person at a rather difficult time in their life. What happened to them? Is it during a time of heartache? Pain? Perhaps they lost a job. Perhaps they lost a loved one. Where are they?

I think it’s a good time to give them a hug, or whatever you do to give emotional support to a loved one.

Does this make you feel good? Try to pay attention for a moment to what your body is telling you. Right here right now. Can you feel any tension melting?

You are there for them. You love them. With you they feel less alone. 

Now imagine your loved one in a comfortable place. Perhaps their house, or their favorite coffee shop. Are they curled up with a good book? Sitting down over a meal? Are they with you, enjoying your company?

Perhaps they’d enjoy another hug from you. Give them a warm embrace. Feel their energy. 

If you’re not a hugger, how do you show love? How would you show that person that you care?

We’ll say goodbye for now to our loved one with these words of lovingkindness sent directly to them, from your heart to their heart. Either say them out loud, or repeat the words in your mind.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be free from suffering.

x2

Next we’re going to imagine someone toward whom we have neutral feelings. Perhaps someone we don’t know very well. They’ve never bothered you. They’re just… in your life. Maybe you can hold on to the face of a stranger you made eye contact with earlier today. Maybe you’re imaging your bus driver, or a cashier you see from time to time at the grocery store. The idea is to think of someone whose life you’ve never really put much thought into before.

Now imagine their morning routine. This time you can really use your imagination. You don’t know them. Maybe they get up every morning ready to embrace the day ahead of them. Or maybe they wake up every day in pain. It’s your choice.

Do they walk downstairs to make breakfast? What are they wearing? Can you sense if they’re looking forward to their day? Do they seem rushed? In a hurry? Agitated? Or calm? Excited? What facial expression do they have on their face?

Can you imagine yourself with them? Maybe at the breakfast table, or at work, or school, on a bench, having a conversation. Do you think you two could be friends? Could you imagine becoming close enough to give them a hug every time you see them? Or whatever show of affection you gave to your loved one.

Let’s imagine this person in one of their happiest moments. Are they graduating? Did they just meet the love of their life? Did they just see their toddler walk for the first time? Use your imagination to create a scenario. Whatever it is, sit with this image and observe.

Now let’s imagine this stranger, or this casual acquaintance we’ve not interacted with much, at a very low point in their life. Are they not able to pay their bills? Are they very stressed? Or worried? Did someone important just leave them? Are they feeling more alone than they’ve ever felt before?

Where are they? Can you picture them crying or pacing back and forth in their home. Observe what’s happening to their body. Are they taking a lot of short, shallow breaths in the chest. What’s the expression on their face?

Imagine somebody there for them. Somebody to calm them down. To hold them if they want to be held. Maybe just somebody there to tell them that everything will be okay. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s their best friend. They’re being told to focus on their breath. If they can, they’re going to move those breaths down, from the chest to the belly. Deep, long belly breaths. 

When you think of this person, in your day-to-day, where are they? At work? School? Wherever they are, sit down with them for a chat.

What are you two doing? Laughing? Is it a bit… awkward?

Is it rewarding? Are you thinking to yourself that you never thought you’d get along so well with this person. 

When it’s time to say goodbye, give them another one of your warm embraces. A hug. Shaking hands. A fist bump. Anything like this is more effort than you’ve put in before with this person, to make a connection.

Before we leave this person, let’s do the same metta/lovingkindness exercise for them.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be free from suffering.

x2

We’re doing great, so now we’re ready to challenge ourselves a bit. Think of someone in your life you don’t like right now. Is it someone who is mean to you, everyday? Demanding of you?

Is it a person that reminds of you of someone in your past?

Is it someone you see in the media? Someone you’ve never met but still seems to occupy some space in your thoughts. Perhaps they occupy a lot of space in your mind.

Choose someone who is frustrating… but not someone that is going to make you feel too agitated to finish this exercise. Maybe there are some people like that for you, and that’s okay. You can come back to them at a future date, when you are ready. In this way, your practice builds on itself.

What’s happening to your body? Can you think of this person without tensing up? Is your jaw clenching? Or your fists? This is normal. You don’t like this person. Maybe, you see them as your enemy.

Imagine their day. What does their bed look like? Do they wake up relaxed? Or tense? Do they have their own loved one to wake up to?

What are you imagining them eating for breakfast? Do you imagine them eating breakfast at all? Do they get to enjoy their morning? Or do they wake up in pain, burdened by their own suffering?

Do they easily give in to desire? Or are they more restrained? Can you imagine an expression on their face? What is it? Whatever you imagine, try to remain yourself neutral… during this thought. Maybe their daily routines are more like your own than you thought.

Do you think this person is ever… happy? What brings them pure joy? Again, try to stay calm and neutral. Perhaps what you thought of that brings them joy is something that, in your mind, harms others... what else? Do you think they could also delight in a child’s laughter? Or in seeing someone they care about succeed? What if you both absolutely love the same thing? A video game, or TV show. A favorite dessert.

Imagine this person happy. A big, genuine smile on their face. At a graduation… a wedding… as a child, on a rope swing. Is it possible? Can you handle seeing this person happy? It’s okay if you can’t.

Does it help to imagine them at an age too young to have any ill intent? 

Now imagine this person is having an awful day. Maybe they just lost a beloved pet. Maybe they were just in an accident. Maybe when you think of this person, you assume that they are always in immense suffering, even though they try to hide it. Can you still remain neutral? Can you even imagine sending them your kindness during their moment of need? Whether or not you think they deserve your compassion, do you still think they would benefit from it? 

Imagine you had the opportunity to sit down with this person, where you both would feel comfortable, to talk about why they occupy this role in your mind. The person you avoid. The person who makes your body tense up. Or, the enemy.

Is there anything you could do or say to make them understand your discomfort?

Is there anything you can do or say to come to a better understanding of each other?

Can you end with at least a handshake, or some other gesture to signal that you’ve made progress?

Try your best now to send the same words of lovingkindness to this person.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be free from suffering.

x2

We’re going to do one more. It will focus on self-compassion. For some, this may be the hardest of them all. If it is, that’s okay. It’s part of why we’re doing this. To build compassion not just for others, but also for ourselves. One day at a time.

This part of the exercise will look a bit different. You are going to imagine yourself at your current age, at the time you’re listening to this, observing a younger version of yourself. It can be a recent version of yourself, or it can be a version of you from decades ago. Don’t get caught up on some of the details when trying to imagine yourself in the past. Some aspects of the memory are bound to be a bit fuzzy. Use your imagination to fill in those fuzzy spots.

Can you see yourself at a younger age, at a genuinely joyous time from your past. Unencumbered. Free. 

What expression is on your face? Are you doing a little dance? Who are you with? If nothing is coming to mind, that’s okay. The entire scene can be made up, if it helps. There’s no way to screw this up. No pressure. Hold that image for a moment. 

Does seeing this version of yourself in the past make you smile? What is happening in your body? Is it painful? Is it comforting? As before, try to remain neutral. If it’s hard to see yourself this way, try to maintain objectivity. View this version of you as someone who deserves love and compassion just like anybody else. What a special moment for them, this feeling of pure joy. 

Now think of a version of yourself in the past that was really struggling. Nothing so painful that would cause you stop this recording. Remember, we are working towards those bigger targets, building our practice every time.

Do you see yourself?

What’s happening?

Imagine the present-day version of yourself giving comfort to the younger you. This is you, you know what the younger you needs to feel comforted. Maybe it’s a big hug. 

Maybe it’s some words of encouragement. You can tell the younger you, with complete confidence and honesty, that you will make it through this. You know this because you did make it through. You are here today as proof. Imagine how comforting those words are to this younger version of yourself. 

Finally, let’s take a moment to sit with the younger you, whatever version, in a space that is comforting to both of you. What do you need to say to them?

… or, what do they have to say to you? Are you truly listening? With no judgement, no shame, no guilt. What needs to be said

End this part of the exercise with the same sort of loving embrace you offered to your loved one earlier. 

How do you feel? Are you clenching? Are you more relaxed than when you starte

We will end with two different versions of metta. One for ourselves, and one for everyone on earth.


May I be safe.
May I be happy.
May I be healthy.
May I be free from suffering.

x2

Now for all of the people on earth, on every continent. In fact, all living creatures on earth… including yourself.

May we all be safe.
May we be happy.
May we be healthy.
May we be free from suffering.

Come back to this exercise often. Each time will be different… and each time is worth your time.   

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Is there anything you’d like me to adjust for you in this compassion exercise? Did you find a way for me to be even more inclusive with the language I use? Write to me, and I can create a tailored version specifically for you.

If this exercise is too much for you right now, think of what we can do together to work towards getting through this entire exercise. Is it a time issue? Is it a concentration issue? Let’s work on this together.